I have so much I want, I want it all. I want to become all that I am so that the processes ahead go smoothly and easily as I enjoy my life fully, I want to have access to all my resources and enjoy all the resources of the universe flowing easily to me, feeling fun and delightful. I want to bring the anchor across, I want to replant my gardens, put out the cribs, get the boats on them, redo the raft deck, raise the flag pole with flags, get rid of the rock barrels… all these actual events and accomplishments, my health and everything else depend on my active connection to source. If I made a huge list, I would be excited more than anything to ponder how all these previously big deals can be instantly zinged away by attention to alignment.

That’s what I was thinking the other day. If I want to have epiphanies, contact with stellar entities, the best sex with the hottest most radiant women, deep connection and intimacy, robust health, a killer bod, endurance, agility, charisma, magnetism – ALL the experiences I KNOW are mine to have be and do, the only ONLY practice is to get happy in all it’s myriad variants. How old I am, what the past was like, who I am surrounded by, none of that matters a whit. What matters is how happy and appreciative I am able to get right now and sustain. I have an amazing opportunity. Of course I am gifted, of course I have all these abilities and potentials. I am a human. Where I am right now, where I have been is a teensy fragment of what I am now, what I now choose to be. I CAN have all my dreams. ALL.

There’s not some fancy esoteric practice to follow, discipline to master. I love yoga and tai chi, I love all these avenues of exploration. I am so glad I’ve gotten them. Now tho, I recognize the fundamental practice / perspective that is the basis of all of that. Enjoyment, body presence, feeling myself. Everything ties together, EVERYTHING I’ve ever learned / experienced. I can soar high above the crowds, high above my past self, there are no limitations, there is only desire and allowance. CLARITY.

What I am clear about now is having access to all that I am. Of living all that I am.

So… I am the only one responsible for my joy. I am the only one who can feel good. As I master feeling wonderful regardless of circumstance? Today, next week, next month? This is the ultimate gift, this deciding to realize where my true source of joy is. This pointing, identification of where my power starts, what true power is. power = freedom = ecstatic = easy.

I always known I am a unique and exemplary being. ALWAYS known. The frustration was with the results, what showed up. How could a stellar transcendant entity such as myself, power and ability beyond measure be experiencing such mediocre results? I was trained to believe that my joy was external, that circumstances determined whether I could have permission to revel and exalt. Posh. That’s the illusion, the supposed maya of the world. It’s not that substance is insubstantial, that’s a koan. It’s that external determines internal. There is no external or internal, there is only the blooming. I bloom, I don’t implode. I don’t conform to the mirror’s reflection, I make the image and the mirror shows me.

The world is a mirror of my own artistry, my offering, my radiance. I am an agent of the divine, the edge of creation. If I wish to be surrounded by beauty, it is I that beautifies.

And that beauty starts with an internal experience of my own subtle self. Subtle now perhaps, whispering constantly to me all the while. My entire life. Now more than ever, I choose to hear prominently, foremost the signal of source, my true full self. Let the rest become a whisper and source become my sound, thrumming, exhilerating, soothing, constant, me.

Source is not talking to myself, it’s not intellectual – Source is direct and immediate, visceral and behind and supporting visceral. Source is felt, source is not figured out or justified, source is known.

When I get sleepy writing focus wheels, that is the call of source. I am having this now. A gentle lolling into quiet, utter empty, just being. Like sleep, the feeling of cozy repose, energy like shivering from cold, rushing through the body like a wave of orgasm.

Arnold talked about having orgasms all the time when working out. That’s what he was talking about. Following your bliss, everything can be a full body orgasm.

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