March 9

Next Morning

Alright. Last night a father thing asserted I had brain damage. I kept reasonably asking for his rationale, resources. He pointed to several cognitive errors I had exhibited earlier, like not being able to clearly see a parked car. I persisted in asking for more information, annoyed but also a bit concerned. My Earth parents DID think there was something wrong with me, which was how Outward Bound got suggested. I woke up and wondered what is the universe telling me? Do I have brain damage? and if so, what the hell can I do about it? the emotional content was as I said annoyed but concerned, pissed but staying reasonable. That’s it for heaven sake, no more half measures. I can pussy foot, which to me means walk as a ninja, with cat like grace, AND I’m going to get this practice happening. Ramp and amp up.

I want to have the tools, all the tools readily available. Both Ester and Marshall. Mostly though I want to wake up everyday and establish patterns of joy, no matter what I dreamt, no matter what happened the day before or what obligations await ahead. I really want to establish enlivening patterns in my life, I want enlivenment to suffuse my being and environment, I want all of this to flow. Every morning I can wake up and decide to feel encouraged. I can reach for ease all day.

I don’t know how to proceed, I’m afraid and a bit shaken by this dream. I felt brain damaged after waking from this dream, unsure of where I stood. Dreams are useful for their emotional content, revealing my point of attraction. I am not sure taking this literally is helpful, however if I am brain damaged the only recourse is to become brain robust, brain bright, brain beautiful. Body beautiful. Let’s go mediate for 6-8 rounds, then we can do a focus wheel if that feels good.

Ok, everything is wonderful, because I declare it so. That’s all.

[snip]

I haven’t gone to bed yet. I just got full possession of the Wonderland sign. Hilarious how that works out. Anyway, I really want to dedicate myself to feeling wonderful in every possible way. Thanking the universe for the contrast, for the boons, for the whole shebang. I have learned much so far and I know I have the resources now to feel phenomenal if I just believe I can become all that I am.

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