What’s great about this worldview is the idea of trying to get someone else to act differently for my benefit isn’t out of the question, but what’s the freaking point. My experience is my responsibility, and tho I might not feel like I’ve got enough tools, I know it’s ultimately up to me and no one else. So they can all drop away, and I’m alone in a really authentic way, this is my show. The web of getting others to be dependent on me and me on them, that had it’s place I guess, but it was also the cause of lots of pain and sadness, I wonder if I compared the joy in my life from entanglement to the pain, which would be the greater?

Feeling love not from one specific person, but just feeling love. I wonder if when there’s a woman who I choose to be an especially powerful focus of my delight, I wonder if I’ll tangle all up in her again. Perhaps I’ll know how to do love differently next time there’s a lady in my life.

[Don’t know where this came from, not in process log archive for 2016]

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