Process Log 01-26-16
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A documentary about me, my movie process.
Yesterday I reclaimed some Photoshop chops. As I think about this, all of this I am activating so much expertise and ability that previously was only latent, dreamed of. Who cares about what was? Honestly, as I move forward the perspective of looking back becomes less interesting. Everything back there comes into sharp perspective, I was just doing my best, learning, believing in my dreams as best I could. All of my life was a becoming. Certainly, with Abraham and Ester I have opened wide the way, now I really feel pretty consistently epic and magical, whoop! I’ve always been beautiful and delicious, I’ve always believed there was more to me, FELT more. I had an inkling of the magic, so often way more than an inkling. I did all that yoga, running, swimming, anything to feel alive consistently. I’ve been hungry for life for as long as I’ve known. Now my knowing increases, I no longer suspect and yearn, I live. I have personal experience unfolding.
So back to Photoshop 🙂 Model building, green screen photgraphy, guitar playing and singing, empathic communication and connection with others, yoga, swimming, running, laughter, hilarity. Soon storytelling. I started out just thinking about the tools of (movie) creation I wield as Dan Kelly, and then it became life mastery, the essential kit for living large and lusciously. Universe creation. Of course I am divine, an artist creator – trying to find permission to create, who will buy my work, how can I make a living at this? as if someone buying my work is the validation that let’s me go ahead. I create freaking worlds, I am THE creator. I am the only one who can allow or pinch off my power. I create the toy universe of a movie, meanwhile I create in the universe of the universe, my entire life is a creative, decisive act.
Ha ha, there’s something here that I am attempting to get at. Before I looked for validation outside of myself, I asked others to tell me, ok you are an artist. Here’s a contest, a client, a grant that IF I scheme it just so, then I’ll have permission. How high a muckity muck is high enough? Do I need the recognition of my girlfriend, my brother Jim, the director of Sundance, Michael Moore, the film and video show jury of Siggraph, Frank Porcu, the director of Cannes, Keannu Reeves, Master Ru, Tommy? Do I need young hot women to kiss me a lot to let me know I am ok? What’s the permission, what’s the green light that says not only am I ok, but go ahead and live, do something cool. Wow!
Ok, that’s the past, moving right along. That past-y thing swirls and is sticky. I get that. Epicness now.
I can become huge and powerful, lithe and full of grace. I can expect movies of me moving to be passed around the internet by unknown chinese people who only get caught by the most amazing and epic memes. I am now in a category of the epic and exhilarent, and words and the past are sticky goo. What is is how I feel, how I live right now and all day long. I am excited to build my nowness, my presence. to just be happy and hilarious. To feel tremendous.
I can for the fun of it, from now on look and listen to others as more reasons to shine. I can hear what comes from others as what I am offering, and look within to make a choice. Everyone I encounter is a gift to myself, a gift of everything to everything. Shine to shine. I can always shine, I can ALWAYS choose to laugh and shine, I can ALWAYS be in my power. Every situation is my situation, my blazing forth of light and magic. Even here in the loft of my super amazing house, the house that I fill with glorious great energy. The machines and temporarily solidified energy, all the epic configurations of consciousness here, alive and awake as I enliven and awaken. I can feel a thousand magical presences pretending to be chairs and guitars and amplifiers and books, dishes and scraps of recycling. Good morning!
I find and delight in the most scrumptious aspects of existence, be they laundry, accounting or people. I am choosing ease and graceful aplomb, thrilling vibrant presence all day, this is the choice today.
Language is beginning to fray, I want a direct language to transmit and receive knowledge and emotion with perfect fidelity. There is, exists. Is the undercurrent of all this flash and glitter, what supports all that and essentially is sampled and turned into the flash and glitter. The deep flow of being.
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toy universe
phican girls – make themselves