early in the am

My life is always going great. What was most explemplary about my expeditions around Lake Michigan was the trust I felt. Yes I prepared and cultivated competancy, AND I gave myself to the moment, to the universe, expecting to be taken care of, to be shown wonders and filled with joy. To be challenged surely, but never ever subject to capricious suffering, always to be honored for the courage and trust I offered. That’s a funny trade, the unspoken bargain I made with the cosmos myself. I said, I will put myself on the big lake on a 16 foot catamaran, and I will sail, I will open myself to whatever is worth experiencing, and in return I expect that my experience will be epic, full of wonder and delight, brimming with confidence and appreciation, which is another way of saying self celebration. To be sweetly entangled with everything and in a wordless way, the same as all that wasn’t me or my boat, that sense of self. Look at me, divinity looking in the mirror, how lovely.

That’s my life all the time, should I choose to remember. That boat trip wasn’t singular, but an extension of everything I had learned up to that point. I just extrapolated from my best lessons.

And I was blowing off my accounting even then. Rather than take some time to straighten out that big old trainwreck, I opted to just say fuck it and ignore that “important” obligation. It is important, but the spirit of just looking for the bliss and adventure was correct for that time. Now I am ready to get caught up, I am ready to enjoy adventures and full living while feeling completely competent in all aspects of my life. I am ready to choose follow through and completion in all aspects of my life. To see desires through, have faith that anything I imagine can be realized, manifested… even if I have to do the symbolic demonstration of putting grinder to metal, lashing sticks to logs.

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