Registration Card

Dan Kelly, December 5, 2013

Thank you for compiling your Rownanteque Health Appliance. Completing this Registration Card is required to activate the Appliance and begin much happy use starting now. More than 20% of users enjoy the Registration Card and look forward to sharing candid response. Proper registration entitles you to protections and benefits legally required and unmatched industry innovation of Rowanteque.nen, Limited Open Development efforts.

What is your age?

OK

What age were you yesterday?

OK

Are you engendered?

OK

How may standard days have elapsed?

OK

Have you offered any suggested sacrifices?

… Response required

OK

Which Deity do you avoid conspicuously?

OK

Would any of your ancestors be likely to recognize your present form?

OK

Will the Appliance be used for unprecedents?

OK

On a scale of 1 to 5, rate your secure acuity

OK

Please permit the Appliance integrity and affirm when ready

OK

Insert Appliance, rotate until calibration and affirm when ready

OK

Stream detected… Status

10%

40%

70%

Discard thin polymers to obviate any incursions using the sterile paddle included and affirm when ready

Registration card complete! All natural beckoning with tangents, thanks you. Your appliance can now be fully configured. Please review the Tutorial attentively before attempting any unprecedents. Savor resplendent epiphany, fuckers!

•••

So this is about an interactive registration card, inspired by Rowenta steam iron I bought. What possible reason could anyone have for filling out registration cards? Got me thinking about registration cards of tomorrow and how turning on future items would not be possible unless registration, much like software. The compilants responses are inferred from the registration cards subsequent questions, and the story develops obliquely but with definite momentum. This is more playful, hinting at the shape of this future but not really going anywhere. Also, the slight dicrepancies in language hint at bad translations. Then again, our grasp of future culture would be imperfect to say the least. Mere glimpses that intrigue and paralyze, that’s about all one might expect. Also, hints at Science Fiction Musical, the gods to be avoided and can characters swap out genders at will, bodies, ages, species. All these tropes just simmering in the savory bouillabaisse. Also have a nice day analog, with a obscenity tossed in for a final head spin.

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