core / life master / 2008 / june / june 3, 2008 (06-03-08)
i’m mad at master ru. first, he got me involved with this girl to help her. i get that, but he didn’t give me any information. shit could have come down way different. this was my first test. can i handle a james bond situation? sexy woman totally available, a shred of fabric between me and dire circumstance. nearly entangled. i guess i passed. so that’s the game we are playing ru? this is my training? ok, trust the universe, flow with the situation. it’s pushy hands. i slipped but survived. if i look at it that way there’s no reason to be mad, he may not even realize he is training me. his only motivation – to help a damaged girl. let me voice my poor me story quickly. Ru tried to make a heart connection between us knowing that she was unhinged. so she starts falling in love with me – as therapy. i pull my ass out of the fire just as it starts to smoke. now i am her savior, her helper, her bridge back to the real world. and what do i get out of this? I can’t even sleep with her or kiss her for real. what does she get? a sane friend to watch over her, help her a little. a ru extension on the weekdays. but i am in the middle of a movie, a project that requires all my time. to be drawn into this sort of intrigue and distraction is exactly the opposite of what I want. what’s important to me. my goals aren’t considered at all in this. except of course my training goals, to be able to intelligently resist tempting but toxic scene. shit. $1000 in STD testing down the chute – almost. so again, poor me is negated by the spy spiritual super hero aspect of this.
so can i handle this assignment and finishing my film? can i do the garden too? i better be able to cause otherwise i’ve over-committed.
the garden (continued)
– my philosophy as coordinator is stewardship, community, transparency, consistency, efficiency.