core / life master / 2007 / may / June 10, 2007 (06/10/07)
on being single in preparation for battle
so here’s what i did last night. I had a fairly dull evening with folks eating mechanized food who were in their forties, slightly older than me. The thing is, the folks in their 40s-50s all looked pretty rough in comparison to yours truly. Which makes me realize that all the effort has yielded results. This is who and where I am in my life because of attention and dedication. because of consciousness. that’s where i could have been. and where i can go is backward. indeed. so one outcome is that I could see a renewed enthusiasm for the practice. It depends on me now. I am single by design, for how can I risk what the beloved cherishes? how can i adventure when a love beckons contrary? I accept that this is the truth, that which i most desire is the one weapon they can’t use against me. this will probably all sound like pure craziness to the reader, but what i am saying basically is that there must be a good reason for my being left behind in the connection department. Once i loved deep and strong, but they are as good as dead now, and i stride a blasted plain on an alien world. changing my cloths isn’t going to do it, sharpness of wit and well sculpted body is not the answer, for i am being prepared for the work which brought me here. the memory of my incarnation as a lover is the word of god, missing forever in this hell which i have marched into. The early 21 century, ignorance and butchery. time of gods, heros and monsters beyond imagining. all the myths point to this moment. away away away. i go to my training, to the armory, to my becoming. i taste the letting go of sweet sweet kisses, the pleasure of touch and genuine spontaneous affection. let it all be as it is. let it all be now. i accept.