core / 2006 / february / 2/01/06 / the dream of cheryl ann and bobby (2/01/06)
a dream. the joy-challenged are likely sabotaged saviors – gerry, paranoia, them

yeah their dream was to be together, but cheryl ann was a very pretty girl with a lot of power and nothing to focus it on except trouble, and her lover bobby was living a small life even though he had a mess o talent and something to bring to the world in the form of music. he was bustin up houses for a demo company and doing a little singing and playing on the weekends. that was how he met his love. the dark ones were setting bobby up for a big wound, they were gonna drive his love out of his life by keeping him small, and making her dream like a hunger inside, something that she had to look elsewhere to feed. they made money seem big and important to her, and damned if she wasn’t just about to step out and get her some, and throw away the best adventure and joy of her life in the process. that’s how they work the bad ones, the dark and dirty ones, they con you into throwing away what really matters for their glitter and gloss, their shiny big lie that breaks you apart from your dream, makes you hate your dream for not coming true, they get you to replace it with loneliness, frustration and bitter regret.

There i was at the breaking point, when everything teetered on the brink. a choice about to be made to go down the long wrong road, answering the wrong questions. I woke up talking to bobby, showing him the jar, giving them a chance to ask their own questions, the right questions for them. It’s not much but the whole world is counting on it. A few women and men like me changing the world by reminding folks to ask their own questions, to turn on their own guidance. then i gathered the little party up and left them alone to start the adventure together, for them to take each other in their arms after the door closed, to tell each other how much they love each other and make love strong for a good hour, then she says now play me all your songs, were gonna decide which is your first hit, that’s right baby. doesn’t matter who said what, who asked and who answered, either one or both. but stay up all night they did, listening, deciding, then where should they bring their first hit, who should they play it for, no tapes, just right in the door a pretty woman using her power to open doors and getting the man in their, then watching for cons and slip-ups like only a pretty girl who has seen a lot of nonsense can. true to their dream. and he sang for real, cause he had his music and his love together, and what more could a man ask for? a little food, shelter and sleep are icing on the cake, when you follow your dream the earth with all her resources and magic stands by you.

this was a good night, me telling them a few things, talking them through the trap. but let me ask you, you know what I was thinking the whole time? follow your own advice you old fool. how did i know what to tell them? because i was talking to myself. it was a dream after all, i was lying in bed with my face against the futon, talking to bobby in a country accent, liking I’m writing now but you can’t hear it, maybe your reading this years later and I’m somewhere else, maybe your some agent of the dark ones pouring over the spoils of war, archiving and classifying these subversive archives. perhaps you remember what your dream was, and how it was shattered into a thousand razor edged shards that cut your heart into ribbons so that you never really healed up. and you better be careful reading this, cause you might remember what was taken away, and realize that it wasn’t your fault or your parents or your lovers, but the ones you are working for right now broke you. you might wake up and dream again, you might follow your own advice finally, and die a happy man or woman. who could ask for more than your joy and your love, what else is there than reaching for what matters?

Of course now, that’s just a bit of science fiction. Where we are at the moment of conception is here in the dark, 4:39 am on 2/1/06, a romantic time if ever there was one. magic. the world is in trouble and we are in desperate need of some heroes, some ordinary people asking the right questions – what do i really want? not what does jesus or allah or momma want for me. That’s ok to ask maybe, but first you gotta ask yourself, cause that’s where the truth is. only you know, the real you – who are you after all? did you ever wonder? are you allowed to ask? if you aren’t allowed to ask and answer, better be careful. something darks driving. the only way out is to ask yourself and get clear, then answer with whatever power you have that is your own. even if it’s in your own thoughts. or moving your fingers a little in your way. ask yourself, answer and act.

hard times are about breaking any three of these steps. getting you to forget your questions, that’s first. everyone tells you not to trust yourself, it’s got to come from somewhere else, something reliable and acceptable like maybe a cop or the bible or the koran. now i’m not knocking cops or sacred books, but take religion for starters. If you are a religious person, does god dwell within you? is it possible for god to permeate all of creation? isn’t it possible that god could be everywhere, even within you, maybe especially within you? well then, how does one identify god amongst all the turmoil inside? god is in your joy, your simple joy and happiness. if you can find your joy, then you are touching god. if you were somehow alone on an island, or surrounded by enemies in a dark and cold cell, far from books, music and friends – don’t you think god would want you always to have guidance, something constant? gods guidance is your joy. ask yourself who am i, really ask and what do i want? maybe they have to starve you and beat you to keep you from asking this question. if the question is very hard to ask, what this likely means is that you are a very powerful person at finding answers and taking action. you are a dangerous character, a powerful character. that’s why you had to be blocked from the beginning, from even asking. cause once you ask, all the world will help you. ask with every atom of your being.

maybe you’ve asked, but there’s no answer. you must go deeper. if you ask what do i want, what feels like joy, you will get an answer. Everyone has had a moment of happiness in life somewhere, some moment of joy, however slight. a moment all your own, belonging to you. What about that moment was joyful? what does that moment tell me about my joy and what i want? if there are many moments, then which were the most powerful, the most ecstatic? either way, the joy is waiting for you, always. if you ask and can’t find an answer, you must keep asking knowing that there is an answer, and the answer might come slowly in layers, bit by bit. follow whatever trail opens up and let the question take you forward. there is no power that can keep your answer totally contained, some tiny drop will leak through to you, that is the power of the question.

you might ask and have an answer but are blocked with action. remember any action at all is enough. take as much action as you possibly can. if you take as much action as you can, while constantly paying attention to the results then you are on your way. the scale of the action is not important, as long as you are taking as much action as is possible in the moment. taking as much action as possible, dedicating yourself will crack the resources of the world wide open.

anything else is capitulation. the darkness spreads when folks deny their dreams, their joy. remember joy is not complicated, it’s not shot through with other flavors of feeling. joy is not revenge, or orgasm. joy is what you are when you feeling alive and happy. it’s pure and simple. find your joy and step into it with all your power.

ask, answer, action.

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