Process Log 02-11-16

[snip]

And that leads me too – I carry. I haul around a luggage about people and events. They have to jump through very specific hoops before I am willing/able/capable of releasing it. If they jump through those hoops then I am ok.

I was thinking about who jumped through those hoops so they could have me back in their lives. Who showed interest?

I most appreciate Jil. She really has showed me how much she appreciates me. That could be the gold brick phenomena 🙂 but does it matter?

What is at the core is my decision to view my past (events and people) from the perspective of source. If every time I remembered something, I could feel the resonance of rapture there. To not carry this heavy burden of other peoples’ sins imagined sins. I am not St Peter’s book. I don’t want to care about what happened.

ok. I think I would like to have a clear memory of events, what happened when. I don’t think, I wold always like to have crisp memory, and the option to playback with the emotions I was having at the time with this caveat – to have the entire experience grounded or anchored from source, end to end. knowing what I know, here’s how I imagine it could work. Memory playback as events and people without emotional content, which is / would be pretty pointless, I mean what about taking sides and yearning for outcomes? With emotional payback in that moment is sort of holodeck style – immersive, engaging, intense like living except with the hashtag memory blinking up in the corner.

what i think is fascinating and (perhaps) something of a clue is how i start feeling fatigued when i examine my feelings. I’ve been up for maybe an hour and I’m ready for a nap. I do love following my intuition and finem I’ll lay back down feelings, I just think it’s really telling somehow that I get sleepy.

Letting go of all this inertia

All the residual anger and hurt dissolves as I plug into more and more love and trust, more abundance and hilarity. There’s is so much!