Process Log 05-08-15

It’s a lot of work to keep up all the projects I’ve got going, therefor I ask (pay) someone else(s) to keep up my fundamentally unsustainable infrastructure. Yikes!

Wouldn’t it be better to kill some of our infrastructure until we can learn how to do it more efficiently? What really matters to us? Can we figure out how to focus on just those things?

(snip) And what is trust but a configuration of the universe that seems to be safe for my limited consciousness? So everything will be predictable and no surprises that might cast my little persona in a bad light. Hey, I am not so attractive, I am not so compelling to others. One who always has to give otherwise nobody will come around, if there’s not a handout.

So there’s the core of my generosity, in one sense. A void of self confidence, perhaps NOT giving out of the joy of so doing, but rather to bribe others to be with me, to love me. Slash and burn Dance Benzie. Let Michigan Movie Makers fade.

(snip)

I am really feeling the need to slash away commitments / projects to save my most valued by channeling all my energy there. Not sure why I am putting out this goal of doing an iron human, except that it does raise the bar for what I can achieve.

A motorcycle is mechanicaly much less forgiving than a car. Can I be responsible for my own maintenance? Learn this bike inside and out? There’s a scheduled maintenance coming up, maybe bring to Earl and watch him do it? I need to drop $ for the right tools and fluids…I also need to retrain for safety. Another commitment and vector of attention.