Process Log 04-22-15

I spent more than $100k on the DOG movie probably, so that should be ample motivation to finish. I like this accounting process, honestly. I am getting clear about where I stand and what happened in my life. I can see by date where I was when I was spending. I’d like to create non expensible accounts, in other words accounts that would track activity but are not tax deductible. Then I could keep all that activity even if the IRS wouldn’t recognize, I would.

I dreamt last night of a road race and I tied with some friend eventhough my five fingers had fallen off, we literally flew like on a magic carpet over the finish line. Then there was this double decker truck that was full of crap from my past, and I was wandering around with the material trying to repair and recycle. Stopped in a mechanics shop and they were very helpful. A big dilemma was some scrap metal I had, should I just give it (and the value) to the mechanic shop or take it down the street to the scrap metal place for cash? This could have been symbolic of the energy that’s about to free up from the accounting.

I can’t help it that people hate me. Some people just are going to, I can’t help who I am instantly, patterns take time and attention to change. That I am too generous, that I also want what I want and try to be honest about it, that sometimes peoples’ expectations get way whacked cause they think I am just going to keep giving to them without any return forever. Why would they think me so foolish? I am certainly just venting here, this is somewhat tongue and cheek. If people expect me to give to them forever, that’s clearly mistaken. This reveals something about me, that I have resentment about how I give or about how people receive from me. Time to talk more to Kari.

And my GOD, is there any reason to spend so much time on facebook? Really?