Defining myself by what I do

Its a struggle for me in a world that is overwhelming in its offerings.
When I was alone, work was clearly a way to define myself. There was little to challenge me, so I challenged myself and that was enuf. Here, what I did before has no currency, therefor I don’t exist. That’s the crisis, the loss of me. Do the easy shit that I can control, that has aknown outcome an identifiable result. Something so basic and familiar. Jerk off and cum. Make a sandwich and eat it. Read a pkd book for the 20th time.
But this is the crux, the past is disinterred, my jaw locks and aches. It starts when ru hits the meridian of the thigh, the groin point.
Mysteries there. The hardon is not available to conscious mind it says no pursuit of casual connection. But it works great in sleep. Full function, physiology robust. Waiting for the right lady iguess. Or mental spiritual healing.

What am I? Who is this self?

4-22-08

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